


You Can (Not) Redo

by honeyohtwo



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyohtwo/pseuds/honeyohtwo
Summary: Maybe their story will always end in tragedy.[Akechi Goro/Akira Kurusu]





	You Can (Not) Redo

**Author's Note:**

> me, a filthy akeshu shipper: ooh boy time to rub my little filthy hands all over this
> 
> also, inspiration for this work came from watching too much evangelion

**You Can (Not) Redo**

* * *

The first time he discovers about the loop, he’s in the Velvet Room, sitting on the edge of his bed as he stares at the man in front of him. He listens intently to whatever it is that the man is saying, committing the information to his memory for future use.

“It is possible to change the past,” says Igor, and there’s a subtle mirth in the way he says the words. There’s a twinkle in his eyes, something akin to amusement, something akin to mischief. Akira simply ignores the expression on his face. He’s long given up trying to understand Igor, and so he only focuses on the words he’s about to say next, listening to them as intently as he could.

“Of course, you are welcome to try it,” he continues, pausing briefly almost as if to allow his words to sink in. “But you should know that there are some things you might never be able to change,” Igor finishes, and he turns his head to look at him, his gaze locking on his own.

A shiver immediately runs down his spine. All of a sudden, he feels naked, exposed, as though all of his soul has been laid bare for all the man to see. He shrinks back, tries to make himself as small as possible as if that would be enough to completely hide his presence.

It’s a futile effort, and he only watches as the man shakes his head, a soft laugh escaping from his lips as if in amusement. There’s a moment of silence between the two of them, neither of them having any words to say.

He watches as the smile on the man’s lips slowly disappears, watches as his features contort into another expression—something he couldn’t quite recognize no matter how much he tries.

The man stares at him, watches him with a piercing look in his eyes. He seems to be studying him like he’s trying to read all his thoughts, like he’s trying to read his movements. It isn’t long before he finally breaks the silence, opening his mouth and addressing him.

“Well then,” he begins, and there’s a hint of amusement in his voice, light and subtle. “Are you ready to change your fate?”

He nods his head wordlessly, clenching his hands into fists so tightly he could see his knuckles turning white. _I have to do this,_ he thinks.

“Very well,” says Igor, a bellowing laugh accompanying his statement. “I wish you the best of luck.”

* * *

When his eyes flutter open, he’s surprised to find himself staring at the familiar ceiling of his room. It’s pale and blank, just as it had always been. He rolls over on the bed so that he’s lying on his side, and he finds Morgana lying beside him.

The cat is peacefully asleep, and as Akira watches him in his slumber, he could only wonder what kind of dreams he’s having. Are they happy dreams? Something that makes his heart leap in joy and flutter in delight?

Morgana stirs in his sleep. It isn’t long before he finally opens his eyes and stares at him, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice soft as a whisper. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Akira pauses for a moment to contemplate his answer. Briefly, he wonders if he should tell him the truth. He opens his mouth to say something, but he stops himself at the last second. He zips his mouth shut and shakes his head as if in response.

Morgana stares at him for a moment, confusion still evident in his expression before finally nodding his head, almost as though in understanding. He still looks a little unconvinced with his reply, but he doesn’t press any further. He only moves closer to him and goes back to sleep.

Even with Morgana by his side, Akira doesn’t feel the slightest bit comforted.

* * *

The loop ends much quicker than he could imagine. Days turn into months, and the months seem to blur together that it’s hard to differentiate the previous one from the next. Everything happens so quick, so fast that Akira doesn’t even have the time to prepare himself.

Within moments, he finds himself back in the Velvet Room once more, standing in his prison cell with his hands bound in front of him.

“It seems that this loop is also a failure,” Igor remarks with a laugh, turning his head to look at him. “Is it not?”

Akira furrows his eyebrows as he walks further, clutching the bars of his cell tightly with his hands. He opens his mouth, about to say something, but Igor shakes his head at him in dismissal, opening his mouth to speak and cut him off.

“You want to try again, do you not?” he asks, a knowing smile on his lips. Akira nods his head at his words, a look of determination settling on his features.

“Very well,” Igor replies, and his words are filled with mirth, almost as though he finds all of this amusing, almost as though he finds all of this entertaining. “It would be wonderful to see what kind of approach you will try this time…” he continues, trailing off of his words and allowing the rest of them to hang in the air between the two of them.

And then all of a sudden, everything goes black.

* * *

In his fifth loop, Akira tries a different approach. He does things more carefully now, and there isn’t a time he isn’t thinking about the words he will say and the things he will do. He waits for days to pass by with mild impatience, busying himself with his usual routine so that he wouldn’t have to think about how much he wants to meet him already.

It isn’t long before he finally happens, and his heart beats with nervous anticipation as he stands in the hallways, listening to Morgana talk about a variety of delicious treats.

He hears the sound of footsteps nearing, and he feels his heart beginning to pound against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat is loud against his ears, roaring and deafening, and briefly, he wonders if anyone other than himself could hear it, too.

In a matter of moments, he finds himself standing face-to-face with the so-called detective. Akira feels his throat drying up, and he gulps, swallowing the lump down his throat. Even now, he’s still the most beautiful person he’s ever known and seen.

“My name’s Goro Akechi,” the detective introduces himself, and Akira watches as a small smile makes its way toward the corners of his lips. He reaches a hand out and offers it to him, the smile seemingly never leaving his lips. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 _I know,_ is what Akira wants to say. _I’ve always known._

But he only keeps his mouth shut and nods his head in a wordless acknowledgment of his words. He removes a hand from his pocket and takes the detective’s hand in his own, giving it a firm shake as he does so.

“Well,” Akechi says after a moment of silence, the pleasant smile still present on his lips even as he says his next words. “I’ll be off now, then. It’s nice speaking with you.”

Akira nods his head once more, placing both of his hands back in his pockets. He watches as he slowly walks away from him, watches as he finally makes his way to the exit. He remains still in his spot for a few moments, allowing his thoughts to roam freely.

Silently, he wonders if this loop would end up just like all the others. Silently, he wonders if there’s truly a way out of this.

* * *

It’s no surprise that Igor is laughing at him the next time he finds himself back in the Velvet Room. The man has already told him countless times that this is bound to be a failure and that his attempts will always be futile no matter what he does, but not once has he ever listened to him.

Or maybe he’s just turning a deaf ear to his words because he couldn’t accept the reality…

He quickly shakes his head, almost as if to rid himself of the thoughts. _No,_ he thinks as he clenches his hands into fists. _I will not give up._

Vaguely, he could hear Igor chuckling softly in the distance. “Even after all these failed loops, you’re still willing to try again,” he says, his words seemingly an observation. “It seems that I have underestimated your strength,” he continues with a chuckle.

There’s a moment’s pause coming from him, and it doesn’t take him long to open his mouth to speak. This time, his words come out softer than before. “Do you wish to try again?” he asks, and there’s a certain sobriety in his voice that seems a little too sudden for Akira to see as genuine.

But he doesn’t any comment any further, only nodding his head at him in response. Igor nods and doesn’t say anything else. He snaps his fingers, and everything goes dark.

* * *

In his sixteenth loop, he tries another different approach. This time, he’s bolder, more aggressive than he’s ever been in the past few loops. He’s the one who seeks him out first, finding him in the middle of the crowd, finding him amidst the hundred other people standing before his eyes.

This time, he’s the one who introduces himself, walking up toward him and telling him his name. Akechi looks surprised at first like he doesn’t expect all of this to happen. It isn’t long before he finally regains his composure, and he quickly forces a smile on his lips.

“I see,” he says pleasantly, reaching a hand out and stretching it toward him. “My name’s Goro Akechi. It’s nice to meet you.”

Akira stretches his hand and takes the detective’s hand in his own, giving it several firm shakes as he does so. The moment he finally pulls back, he finds that Akechi is staring at him, his eyebrows furrowed as though in confusion.

“I…” the detective begins softly, pausing for a moment as he tries and gathers his thoughts. “Have we met each other before?”

Akira’s eyes quickly widen in alarm. In all of the loops he’s been in, this has never happened. Akechi has never said something like this. His heart begins to pound in his chest, beating rapidly against his ribcage and it’s so quick, so fast that for a moment, he’s afraid it would spill out of him and onto the floor he’s standing on.

He pauses and takes in a lungful of air, trying to calm himself down. Silently, he wonders what he should say next. Should he tell him the truth already? Tell him that he’s come to save him?

He quickly shakes his head, almost as if to dismiss himself of the ideas. There’s no way he’d be able to tell him that. Not only is he a stranger to his eyes, but the truth could also be hard to believe…

He finally settles on shaking his head in response and opening his mouth to tell him that this is the first time he’s actually ever seen him.

“I see,” Akechi says, and he watches as the frown on his lips is quickly replaced with another smile. “I just feel like I’ve known you from somewhere before, is all,” he finishes, the smile still present on his lips.

“It must be because my face is so common,” he says, shaking his head once more as if in response. He watches as Akechi nods his head at his words, seemingly in understanding.

“I see,” he says once more, giving him a small smile as the words slip out of his mouth. He gives a quick glance to the watch wrapped around his wrist before turning back to look at him.

“I should get going now,” he says, and Akira could almost swear that the smile on his lips has grown just a fraction. “I’ll see you around.”

Akira nods his head and watches as he leaves. He could still feel his heart beating rapidly against his chest, and he thinks that it’s a miracle how he’s managed to keep himself calm and composed just a few moments ago.

He stares at the spot the detective has previously been in, allowing his mind to wander. _Is this finally it?_ He wonders. _Is he finally going to give him the happiness he deserves?_

A small hope blooms in the pit of his stomach, growing and growing with each passing day. Silently, he wonders if this is the last time he’ll ever go back in time.

* * *

“Isn’t there a way for me to save you?” Akira asks, and there’s a hint of desperation in his voice, clear and evident in the way he says the words. He holds his form tightly in his arms, clutching him tightly against him like he’s afraid he would disappear if he’s ever so much as let him go.

Akechi slowly lifts his head up to look at him, and Akira watches as the corners of his lips curl up into a small, faint smile. “You already did,” he replies, his voice soft and weak that it’s almost a whisper. His breathing is becoming more ragged with each second that passes, and his movements are gradually becoming slower, weaker.

Still, that doesn’t stop him from reaching a hand toward him and placing it against his cheek. Akira closes his eyes, leaning his head against his touch as if he’s desperate for more. He hears the detective laugh softly, but the laugh is quickly cut short when a cough escapes him.

Akira quickly opens his eyes, looking at him with concern in his eyes. “I’m fine,” Akechi says with a smile, trying to dismiss his worries. He doesn’t fail to catch the hurt in his eyes as he tries once more, reaching a hand out and placing it on his hand, almost as if in an attempt to comfort him.

“You’ve already done more than enough for me,” he says, his words still as soft as a whisper. It’s getting harder and harder for him to speak now, and the pauses are much often than before. Akira knows that it’s nearly his time, but he doesn’t say it, opting to only listen to what the detective has to say next.

“Thank you for everything,” he continues, and his voice is weaker than before that Akira wouldn’t have heard him at all had he not been close him the whole time. There’s a moment’s pause coming from him, and he watches as the detective slowly lifts his head up once more to look at him, locking his gaze on his. He watches as a smile slowly makes its way toward the corners of his lips, small and sad.

When he opens his mouth to speak, his words are just barely audible. “Thank you for saving me…” he finishes softly, the small smile still present on his lips as he says them.

And then all of a sudden, there’s silence. The detective’s hand slowly falls from his own, dropping against his side. His eyes are closed, and there’s a smile on his lips.

The boy looks so peaceful that Akira could just easily fool himself into thinking that he’s merely just sleeping, dreaming of the happiness he’s always desired. Maybe he’s dreaming of his own justice, too, the one he’s worked so hard to uphold in his whole life.

It would have been easy to lie to himself, and it would have definitely been easy to let himself believe the illusions he’s created to replace the reality… but it doesn’t just work that way.

And so, he only stares at him—the smile on his lips and the peaceful expression on his face—because it’s the only thing he could do, the only thing he’s left to do. He holds him tightly in his arms, holds his body close to him because maybe he wouldn’t disappear if he doesn’t let go.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, silently convincing himself that this is merely just a dream, because maybe if he says it enough it would finally come true. Maybe the boy will wake up once more and he’ll finally receive the happiness he deserves and Akira wouldn’t have to try and try to restart again, wouldn’t have to watch him die over and over again.

 _This is merely just a dream,_ he thinks to himself, repeating the words over and over in his head like a mantra. _This is all just a dream, this is all just a dream, this is all just—_

When he finally opens his eyes, he finds himself back in the Velvet Room once more. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, his shoulders slumped as if in exhaustion. Igor is sitting on his usual chair, looking at him, watching him with something akin to amusement in his gaze.

“I suppose it hasn’t gone well this time, too?” he begins, his words sounding like an observation. The amusement is evident in the way he says his words, too, like he’s more than a little pleased with what had happened.

Akira doesn’t respond to his question, simply opting to remain silent and ignore his words. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with being back in here today, and he certainly doesn’t have the energy to speak to Igor after what had just happened. He stares at his bound hands, turning them over and over as though in search of something. His hands are clean and pale, untainted by his blood. He allows a soft sigh to escape his lips and slump his shoulders even more, seemingly in defeat.

Vaguely, hears one of the twin wardens speak. The voice sounds like Caroline, loud and almost deafening in the silence of the room. He couldn’t completely understand what she’s saying, though he could only guess that he’s scolding him for his behaviour. After all, he did try and ignore their master, right?

But he doesn’t say anything, only lifting his head up to look at the both of them. Caroline appears irritated, and she opens her mouth like she’s about to say something once more, but a simple shake of the head from Igor is enough to silence her. She stares at him, hard and angry, but she keeps her mouth shut.

A laugh escapes Igor’s mouth, loud and bellowing. It echoes in the silence of the room, seemingly as though to mock him. Akira only clenches his hands into fists but continues to remain silent. He turns his head to look at Igor, who only continues to watch him in amusement.

For a moment, they could only stare at each other, content in their own silence. It isn’t long before Igor opens his mouth to speak, and when the words spill out of his lips, his tone is serious, seemingly no longer teasing. “Go and get some rest,” he says, pausing for the briefest of moments as if to allow his words to sink in, “We shall continue this conversation tomorrow.”

Akira looks down, opting to stare at his hands instead. There are a few moments of silence before he finally hears Caroline speak. “Don’t you understand, inmate?” she begins, and while her voice still sounds harsh and rough, the subtle softness in her words has continued to remain.

Akira slowly lifts his head up to look at her. She is looking at him, watching him, and he thinks he could see something akin to pity in her gaze. “What’s meant to be a tragedy will always be a tragedy.”

He bows his head and looks down, staring at the floor beneath his feet. He knows this, of course. This isn’t the first time he’s travelled back to the loop to change the past, and he knows it better than anyone. Still, hearing her say that feels different. Briefly, he wonders if there’s truly nothing else he could do. Briefly, he wonders if his efforts will always remain futile…

“Get some rest, inmate,” Caroline says after a moment of silence, interrupting him from his thoughts. Her voice still sounds like the usual, loud and harsh, but the softness is still there, too. He’s almost certain that she pities him. “Enjoy the last hours of your fleeting rest,” continues Justine, her voice so soft that it’s almost a whisper.

He nods wordlessly at their words before moving to lie down on the bed. It isn’t as comfortable as he had initially thought, but he doesn’t mind it, anyway. He could feel the exhaustion creeping through him, whispering sweet nothings in its ear as it attempts to pull him into its arms. He rolls over to his side, almost as if to hide away from the gazes of everyone around him, before slowly closing his eyes, waiting for sleep to finally claim him.

In the back of his mind, there’s a voice that whispers, small and tiny as it asks him a question. _Is this really worth it?_

It’s the last thing he hears before finally succumbing to the darkness of slumber, before finally succumbing to the world of dreams.

_Is this truly worth it?_

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> leave feedbacks in the comments if you want, i love reading all of them!


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